Today's word of the day: restless. Some days I just wake up and I feel like I slept in a bed of ants. The only solution to this, normally, is to allow myself to sit in silence for a while. Today after a very unfocused yoga session, while attempting to meditate I scratched my head, face, neck, arms, etc 100 times in 20 minutes. So much for sitting in silence.
What does one do when they can't even do the one thing that always calms them? Well, the high school runner in me just felt the itch, literally, to run. Well, it's not like I can just leave to go run the neighborhood, I tried owning a treadmill once; that ended up being a laundry rack. So, what's a girl to do when she needs to release some energy?
She runs, back and forth on her deck until she can't run anymore. The dogs both running with me confused as to why I'm just running to run and not trying to chase a squirrel or one of our many backyard pets. I ran for about 20 minutes laughing at myself tripping over the dogs, watching Steve the several times I passed the french doors in our bedroom give me the look of confusion. He's in there thinking, "Now what's that woman of mine out there doing now?"
I was spending about 30 minutes after I attempted to meditate trying to determine, what I needed to calm me, what I should blog on, what I needed to do with my day, etc; and then when I let all the "what SHOULD I be doings" all go, and just started running, it became clear to me.
Let go Hope. I just kept thinking it over and over. Let go. Let go.
This past hospital visit, I was kindly named the control freak. :) It's okay to be the hovering caregiver, especially when I'm his biggest advocate; but to try to control EVERYTHING in life, is not working. I was trying to CONTROL the energy rather than letting it go.
Of course, releasing control of things doesn't mean becoming lax and not taking care of my responsibilities. A friend of mine came to visit this past week, and she said to me something she read, "Instead of giving yourself a list of things you SHOULD be doing, think of it as if I really wanted I could do this today." To start seeing myself as capable of doing the things, and releasing some pressure. Realizing that most of the course of the day is out of my control, and what I do have control of is my reactions.
So there you have it. Unconventional running mornings for the win.
What do you need to let go of? I'm sure I'm not alone here. Share with me, if you're up for it. xox