I had two mind ramblings come to me this weekend, I wanted to share for this blog.
First this, "You can't possibly absorb all that's going on around us, it's too much. To try to hold onto all of it, will kill your power to act on any of it."
Second this, "Even though most may not know it, everyone has the capacity to be an empath. If you find yourself having to distract yourself from the world's problems because it overwhelms you, it doesn't make you a bad person. Feeling powerless by what's going on in our world, and feeling that overwhelm, means you're feeling true empathy. Now the only way to take that overwhelm and turn it into power, is to realize you can only do one thing at a time; and the first of those things must be, getting you grounded and ready."
One of the patterns, I'm currently in the process of untangling myself from it's grips; is to feel like I have to fix everything at once/care about everyone at one/do everything at once. If you've read any of my blogs since me being back, you know this isn't the first time I've written on this. There's really only one reason it's a subject I keep coming back to; and it's that it held me back for close to a year. I literally couldn't put one foot in front of the other, some days. Of course, most people would never know that, because even if I blog my heart out to everyone, people still perceive me as a warrior.
I want to add this, because it's important, people seeing me that way isn't a negative thing. People seeing me as a warrior even on days I can't function, helps me get back to that space. I want to acknowledge, that having a group of people holding space for me, and seeing me whole; is everything to me.
Here's why you may see me step back often, because, what lead to my demise was wanting to solve too much; from standing rock, to the election, to ALS patients and caregivers who needed help, Syria, Aleppo, innocent black lives being taken, the climate, STEVE, Steve, Steve,.... You can see why there wasn't any room for me. For years, I lived in a life where I was told by anyone I happened to be dating at that time, that putting myself first made me selfish or needy.
Well, guess what? I'm married to a truly incredible man, who would never put that kind of shit on me. He knows if I didn't drop it all, but him and I, and really get me in focus on this picture, we wouldn't be able to do this anymore.
So if it seems to you on the outside, like maybe I stopped caring. I promise I didn't, I never will. I just had to start seeing myself first. It took so much to get here, and I can't say it's a stable force yet, which is why anytime I begin to get extra sensitive on the internet, I HAVE to step away. If this resonates in any way with you, and you're feeling a little TOO much of it all, maybe it's time to do a little disconnecting.
Action is needed, but if it's from a place I was in a few months ago, it won't be any kind of action that will truly make an impact.