You can either spend your energy focusing on what not to do OR you can focus on what to do.
Turns out this blog hiatus I've been on taught me something different than I was anticipating. Instead of finding a list of things I should be letting go of, like I have been doing for years, instead I found a shift of perspective. I've learned that instead of spending my time focusing on what I need to let go of, I am better served by focusing on what I CAN DO in my life.
No more trying to break some habit that isn't working in my life, instead I'm focusing on having more of what is working. Because when you're focusing on what it is that inspires you, what you want to create/do in life, and you're really putting your focus there, you no longer need to focus on what not to do. Because you're where you need to be; In that moment. What doesn't serve you goes away naturally, little by little.
As I'm putting my energy into what is flowing nicely in my life, to my surprise I found habits I've been spending years trying to rid, just naturally going away. All this time I've been doing the work to let it go, tracking my habit, noticing my triggers, doing the steps to stop it, forgiving myself when I fall back into the habit, getting up, starting again....
Turns out all I really needed was a refocus. A shift to focusing back on what I CAN DO, what I want to do, what I'm pulled to do. Focusing on doing rather than not doing, seems so common sense, yet I've spent years waiting to let go of some stupid habit to be ready to start doing what is I should be doing. Writing. I've been waiting until I felt ready. I've been waiting to feel READY to do.
"I'm not inspired," "I'm not in the flow," "I don't have words," all reasons why I wouldn't blog, I wouldn't work on my book, and eventually because I was finding it acceptable to not show up there, I would stop showing up in my journal as well. I adopted morning pages after reading, The Artist Way, by Julia Cameron 4 years ago. It changed my life, and brought me back to myself in a child like way. Journals saved my life as a kid, and again as an adult. Eventually I became so focused on what wasn't working I forgot to focus on what did. WRITING.
So here I am, after a refocus, and coming to you honestly. My days are still uncertain, because Steve's days are really never the same; but I've realized something, much like my focus on what isn't working has been a crutch for so long, so has my "unpredictable days". I would think, well there's no way I can ever fully commit to these goals I have, because I just don't know what Steve will need from me or if I will have the space. Turns out it's all been a bunch of BS excuses.
Do I need to allow myself to have "off" days? 100%, we all do really; but where's the line that doesn't let you excuse everyday as an off day? I had no line. I had no limits to my excuse because I wasn't "ready" to be doing anyways, because I was still trying to learn how to not do...
The other morning Steve was convinced he needed to go to the hospital. He then had a rough bowel movement, that is complicated due to his gallbladder being removed. The first 5 hours of my day I was in the room with him. It's where I needed to be, my focus was on what can I do to help ease his pain, and help him get comfortable. Once he was finally through the rough part, I was able to leave, exhausted, I told myself, okay nothing on the to-do list is getting done and immediately went to my cushion. After some meditating and some prayers, I pulled out the trusty journal. I did my pages, even thought they couldn't happen in the morning. I sat and wrote all the feelings I was having, and spilled all the words clogging my mind onto 8 pages of paper. After I immediately stood up, and completed some stuff on my to-do list, did laundry, cooked lunch, and sat down and worked on the book.
Something happens when I allow myself the space to focus on what I AM doing in that moment instead of finding myself weighed down by a list of things I need to not be doing, or holding on to 5 hours of unprocessed feelings, I worked through them, and I had energy. Not the I just drank a cup of coffee energy, but sustainable flow energy.
Recognizing this need to shift my focus has been a welcomed gift to my life, which helped me begin to see where I DO HAVE THE SPACE to do. Not only do I have the space, but this focusing on what I'm doing, it fills me up with more (space, love, energy,...).
So I leave you with some questions. Where are you focusing? Do you need a refocus? What are you using as your excuses? Leave me some comments, I would love to engage more with everyone reading my blogs. What the world needs more of these days is certainly community.
<3